Data Consistently Shows Getting Married, Having Kids is Good for Mental Health

From lifenews.com

As data continues to show that young people are reporting increasing rates of despair, experts say that a renewed focus on the happiness that marriage, raising children, and church attendance bring can help reverse the trend.

New statistical analysis published earlier this month revealed some sobering facts, including the overall trend that unhappiness is peaking among the young (those aged 18-24) and then declining with age in 44 countries, including the U.S. and the U.K. Particularly in the U.S. over the last roughly quarter century, the rate of young people who say they are in despair (defined as those who say their mental health was not good for the last 30 consecutive days) has risen sharply. For men, it has more than doubled since 1993, rising from 2.5% to 6.6% in 2024. For women, the outlook is even more dire, almost tripling from 3.2% to 9.3%.

As to the causes behind the rising rates of despair among the young, analysis authors Alex Bryson (professor of Quantitative Social Science, UCL), David Blanchflower (professor of Economics, Dartmouth College), and Xiaowei Xu (senior research economist, Institute for Fiscal Studies) say that research into the reasons behind the surge remain “inconclusive,” while acknowledging that excessive screen time is likely a “contributory factor.”

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But sociologists like Brad Wilcox, a professor at the University of Virginia and a senior fellow at the Institute for Family Studies, say that the cultural deemphasis and ridicule of marriage and family life is likely a prime culprit in the surging rates of unhappiness among the young. As he wrote Monday, “Data consistently show that marriage and children confer compounding benefits to both men and women. Married men and women ages 25 to 55 are almost twice as likely to report they are ‘very happy’ with their life than their unmarried peers, according to the 2022 General Social Survey.” In addition, “Married people enjoy more financial stability and better emotional and physical health outcomes.”

Wilcox went on to observe that data from a recent survey of 3,000 American women revealed that “married mothers are among the happiest in the country,” reporting “less loneliness, more physical touch and deeper meaning and connection in their relationships than their unmarried and childless peers.”

As for men, Wilcox noted a theme particularly keyed in on by the late Charlie Kirk, who Wilcox credits with ushering in a new era of popular acceptance of marriage and family among young men, who crave a mission, “grounding their lives in responsibility and meaning in something bigger than themselves.” Wilcox pointed to a recent NBC survey, which found that young men who voted for Donald Trump in the 2024 election ranked “having children” as “the highest marker of personal success, followed by financial independence, a good job and marriage.”

In an Instagram post shortly before his death, Kirk wrote, “Having a family will change your life in the best ways, so get married and have kids. You won’t regret it.”

Wilcox also highlighted a speech that Kirk gave at a church, where he emphasized church attendance as the third key element to giving meaning to the lives of young men alongside marriage and raising children. “What young people are screaming is, they say, ‘Give me a structure that I can live my life by,’” Kirk remarked. “Especially young men … [they want] more saying, ‘Stop being a boy and become a man.’”

There are, in fact, indications that Millennials and Generation Z are leading the charge in a new surge in church attendance. According to recent research from Barna Group, Gen Zers now lead older generations in church attendance, averaging 1.9 weekends per month. Millennials are a close second, with an average of 1.8 weekends per month. Barna’s report notes that these numbers represent “a steady upward shift since the lows seen during the pandemic” and “are easily the highest rates of church attendance among young Christians since they first hit Barna’s tracking.”

This upward shift in church attendance among the young could mark a turning point in the dire mental health data that continues to surface. Research shows that those who attend church regularly report higher rates of happiness and civic engagement than those who are religiously unaffiliated or are inactive members of religious groups.

Still, it remains to be seen whether surveys indicating renewed interest in having children among young men will translate into more marriages and more children, with both marriage and fertility rates currently at or near record lows. The jury is also out on whether young people who are newly attending church will become church members for the long haul.

“Discipleship is absolutely essential,” Family Research Council’s David Closson told The Washington Stand earlier this month. “Jesus’s Great Commission was not simply to make converts but to ‘make disciples’ — to teach people to obey everything He commanded.” It’s good to see young people returning to church, Closson noted, but “that’s only the beginning.”

Families in Cell Groups

Photo by Rajiv Perera on Unsplash

Families in Cell Groups

Every member of the family is created in God’s image, from the youngest to the oldest. Children are meant to be a part of the cell group. They can hear God and they can minister to other people just as powerfully as any adult.


I was talking to someone a month or so ago who said their cell group hadn’t met all year, partly because some of the children were a problem. They hosted the group at their home, but were tired of the children spending group time in their children’s bedrooms and “trashing the joint.” They were thankful when renovations made the home unsuitable for hosting the group.


My wife told these people, “If you do not include the children now, you won’t have them at all later.” We shared some resources and tips to include children in the group.


I lead a group in our church that is specifically family focused. We try to make it children friendly and also relevant to the adults. I am always sure to include worship music and some child-related videos that relate to the theme of the day. We also have a Bible passage that I encourage the children to read.


Food is important. We have the children prepare something that can cook during the cell meeting and they look forward to that for the end of the group.


Sometimes the kids are unruly, and the parents don’t discipline them or hold them accountable for their behaviour. Sometimes the adults are out of sorts and refuse to join in.


But other times I see the lights go on in the hearts of a child or a parent and I think, “Yes! God is working here, despite everything!”


Children need to be included as much as possible in group life. Some groups have a separate lesson time for children. They include the children for the Welcome and Worship segments, and then a different adult each week takes the children to another room for the Word part. That approach works, but make sure that you have child safe protocols in place- both the legal requirements for Working With Children Checks and your church policies and guidelines for children’s ministry.


Also, when you are thinking about whether the group is getting to the size where it needs to multiply (i.e. 12-14 people), make sure you count the children. They are people too, and they are apart of the inter-personal dynamics of the group.


So let’s keep on persevering in including all people of all ages in our groups, and celebrate the wonderful things that God can do.

Leila Abdallah: ‘If it wasn’t for my faith, I wouldn’t be standing where I am today”

From “Eternity”


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AbdallahAntony, Angelina and Sienna Abdallah.

“God uses you in the midst of your suffering,” Leila Abdallah tells me this week.

One year ago, most of us met Leila and her husband Danny for the first time and under terrible circumstances. The couple from Oatlands, near Parramatta in Sydney, became headline news after three of their six children were killed by a drunk driver on February 1.

Antony (13), Angelina (12) and Sienna (8) had been riding their bikes to get an ice cream. They died at the scene, alongside their cousin Veronique Sakr (11).

Trying to describe to someone what being in the midst of suffering looks like, you might point to the grief and pain of the Abdallah family. Yet when you catch even just a glimpse of the torment experienced by Leila during the past year, there’s something else that stands out. The way she and her husband have responded to what so many of us would consider unimaginable.

“When you read the Bible, Jesus said, ‘Carry your cross and follow me.’ He didn’t say we are going to have a good life … He asked us to carry the cross,” says Leila, who has been a Christian all of her life.

“When Jesus walked this earth, he demonstrated to us how we should live our lives.”

“For me, I look up to him. I think that if Jesus carried the cross, then I’m going to look to him, look at the glory awaiting us in heaven, and I want to carry my cross with dignity and a smile.

“Don’t get me wrong. I feel mixed emotions. I’m heartbroken. I miss my kids, especially coming to the one year mark. I was crying this morning; I cry ever day … but I have accepted my cross and I believe that if Jesus didn’t want my kids, they still would be alive. A miracle would have happened.”

Leila is right. The Bible does record Jesus telling his followers that to follow in his footsteps will include suffering, pain and the toll of rejecting a world at odds with his humble leadership. It’s just that many of Jesus’ followers – this writer included – hope that our faith won’t be put to the sort of test Leila and Danny Abdallah are going through.

But it’s through that very test that Leila has witnessed God using her and Danny. You would have witnessed it as well. Within what seemed like minutes of their children’s deaths, the Maronite Catholic couple – members of Our Lady of Lebanon Co-Cathedral at Harris Park – spoke clearly and powerfully about the forgiveness and peace that flows from God. And they were saying those things about the man who was charged with killing their children.

“The guy, I know he was [allegedly] drunk, driving on this street. Right now I can’t hate him. I don’t want to see him, [but] I don’t hate him,” Leila told the media during the days after the accident.

“I think in my heart to forgive him, but I want the court to be fair. It’s all about fairness. I’m not going to hate him, because that’s not who we are.”

Talk about people putting into practice what they claim to believe and live by.

Leila feels “like God used my lips on that day” with how she immediately spoke about Samuel William Davidson who, last October, pleaded guilty to four counts of manslaughter, as well as other charges. He will be sentenced in March.

Leila and Danny’s approach to Davidson has remained the same ever since. So much so that the first anniversary of the accident, February 1, will be i4Give Day. Created by the Abdallahs and supported by the Federal and NSW Governments, i4Give Day encourages everybody to know and practice that “there is freedom in forgiveness”.

Leila hopes that rather than remembering a tragedy, February 1 becomes an annual day “where you could find someone you can forgive or ask for forgiveness”.

Many people have asked the Abdallahs how they can forgive. Leila continues to point people back to her Christian faith – “forgiveness is essential to us Christians ” – explaining how parts of the Bible shape her outlook.

“Our Father has forgiven our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us,” says Leila, speaking of how she wants to live out the Lord’s Prayer. “[Also] Jesus last words on the cross were ‘Forgive them Father, for they do not know what they are doing.’ And he asked us to forgive 70 times seven times … So I forgave [Davidson] because I trust God. He’s a justice God and I leave it in his hands.”

“God is great. God is good. God is giving us the peace of mind that they are in heaven. God is comforting us. He is close to the weary. If it wasn’t for my faith, I wouldn’t be standing where I am today.”

Leila fondly speaks of her three deceased children and their own faith. How Angelina loved praying and Antony wanted there to be a prayer room in the Abdallahs’ new home. To celebrate her eighth birthday, Sienna wanted to be “like Jesus, feeding the less fortunate people”.

“My children loved God so much.”

Before and after the February 1 accident, Leila and Danny’s values stayed the same – God and family. In that order. And Leila’s fierce bond with God even helped her to not blame him for what happened.

“When that accident happened to my kids, my love for God was so strong that I kneeled down to pray to my Father,” remembers Leila. “I [said to] God, ‘I’m crying over my kids. I’m upset.’ And God has revealed to me, ‘You’re upset about your kids – but how do you think I am feeling over the lost souls?’ If anything, that made me relate to him rather than blaming him.”

“God created the heavens and the earth, so how is God feeling about the people who don’t recognise him?

As they have done in the public gaze this past year, Leila again turns our attention back to faith and trust in God, through Jesus Christ. Her discoveries about who God is and how he relates with us have come through immense suffering on her part – but she’s willing to share insights that we all need to grasp.

This ongoing display of Christian hope through the Abdallahs has been noticed by everyone from close neighbours to people they’ve never met on the other side of the world.

“They reach out to me to tell me how much they are affected and how it touched them,” describes Leila about how people from “everywhere” have steadily contacted her family. Just as Leila and Danny have done a remarkable job of counselling other people going through grief, they too have felt loved and supported by family members, total strangers – and God.

“Grieving is already hard. Imagine having to add to it anger and bitterness?” asks Leila. “This is where you end up in mental [anguish]. But when you are grieving and you free up your heart – and you forgive others – and you surrender to God, God will send you the peace from above.

“God will carry you through it and God will give you the strength to deal with everyday life.”

Leila has relied a lot upon God to get through everyday life. “The cross does get heavy, of course, because this is your kids. It’s your life. You are aching and hollow. The most precious gift in life is your kids. The most expensive thing in life has been taken away from us; half of my kids have gone to be with the Lord.”

“Any time you feel that the cross is too heavy, just ask God and he will give you the strength to keep going and keep going and keep going.”

Leila finds strength in prayer, listening to worship music or opening the Bible. “When you ask God to come to you and touch your heart, he will give you the peace that comes from above.”

“The strength doesn’t come from within; this strength comes from God.”

Leila and Danny know life is for a relatively brief time so they want to live well for God.

“In everything we want to do, I just want to serve the Lord with all our hearts and honour God and our kids. Really, that’s what matters to us.”

“I’m a shy person but the reason that I do media is that it my chance to honour God on television and media. For people to see God … and what he wants us to be.

“I love my God. I love my God.”

From eternity.com.au

A Week Away

Last week we managed to have a short break.

 

On Friday afternoon we drove to Newcastle where we stayed overnight before attending Margaret’s cousin Lorraine’s 60th Birthday Party.  The location was The Lakeside Cafe at Murrays Beach on Lake Macquarie.

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Lorraine, me, Margaret in the back row with Margaret’s brother Graeme and partner Suzanne and Margaret’s sister Cathy.

 

Forster is an absolutely beautiful place. Tourism is its biggest industry and oyster farming in Wallis Lake is a close second.

 

We stayed at the Sails Apartments located a block back from the beach. Fantastic location.

 

Tim and Philip cooked sausages on the balcony.

 

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We went on a 2.5 hour dolphin cruise and saw dozens of dolphins. I took many photos of water where the dolphin was a second earlier.

 

 

We paid $50 a head for the cruise which was value for money, but there were some stowaways

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A game of Jurassic putt-putt was a lot of fun.

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There was a “pirate ship” in the lake

 

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and lots of sting rays

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The mirrors in the lift  were a little confusing

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You know its a good holiday when you are exhausted.

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I always love the bright turquoise colour of the Lake on a sunny day. The water is generally very shallow, just a metre or two, and so the colour of the sand shines through the water creating a unique colour.

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So that’s a brief run down on our break.

You can see more photos on my Google page

Of Gerberas, Grief and Dogs

Twenty days ago, ironically enough on Father’s Day, we received one of those late night door knocks that only ever bring bad news. Our daughter, just 10 weeks or so from giving birth to our first grandchild, had noticed that the baby had stopped moving. The doctors at the hospital had been unable to find a heart beat and the fate of the baby would be confirmed with an ultrasound the following morning.

Sometimes the journey that we think we are travelling is abruptly ended, changed to a completely different one with a destination that nobody could foresee and that nobody wants.

Last week at the memorial service for baby Henry we were to  release a helium balloon. As I left to collect it Margaret asked me to buy some small flowering plants to put near the water feature near the church door to add some colour. A couple of pots of gerberas with bright yellow flowers were perfect.

 

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After the service was over, I planted them in some pots in the garden expecting them to be here to remind us of the grandson who isn’t here. But this morning I found this:

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There was no doubt who the culprit was.

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I was so angry, sad and despondent.

On the one hand it is just $20 worth of plants- another item on this horrible dog’s tally of destruction. But on the other hand, it touched me at a level of my soul because of the connection of these flowers to baby Henry. It is irrational but the destruction of these plants brought to the surface a new collection of emotions that needed to be felt and understood.

Today was a difficult day, but not just for my own grief. I heard of a father who died after an illness of several years whose family has literally been barely surviving for that time. I heard of the struggle of a good friend in a difficult marriage. I know of another young father who is about to die from an aggressive leukaemia.

And over the last few weeks we have heard of people with seemingly happy families and lovely children who have suffered a similar loss to ours.

The worst thing about being a parent is that you can’t fix the really important things in your children’s lives. Love for others allows us to share their joys, but it multiplies our capacity for hurt.

All of this points to the limitless capacity of God’s love to us. While two sets of parents were trying to help their son and daughter through an awful time there were little gracelets that brought light into the darkness. There were smiles in the tears brought to us by a loving Father who knows what it’s like to lose a Son.

So we walk a path we did not choose, and would not if it were ours to choose.

But we know that God is walking with us.