Data Consistently Shows Getting Married, Having Kids is Good for Mental Health

From lifenews.com

As data continues to show that young people are reporting increasing rates of despair, experts say that a renewed focus on the happiness that marriage, raising children, and church attendance bring can help reverse the trend.

New statistical analysis published earlier this month revealed some sobering facts, including the overall trend that unhappiness is peaking among the young (those aged 18-24) and then declining with age in 44 countries, including the U.S. and the U.K. Particularly in the U.S. over the last roughly quarter century, the rate of young people who say they are in despair (defined as those who say their mental health was not good for the last 30 consecutive days) has risen sharply. For men, it has more than doubled since 1993, rising from 2.5% to 6.6% in 2024. For women, the outlook is even more dire, almost tripling from 3.2% to 9.3%.

As to the causes behind the rising rates of despair among the young, analysis authors Alex Bryson (professor of Quantitative Social Science, UCL), David Blanchflower (professor of Economics, Dartmouth College), and Xiaowei Xu (senior research economist, Institute for Fiscal Studies) say that research into the reasons behind the surge remain “inconclusive,” while acknowledging that excessive screen time is likely a “contributory factor.”

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But sociologists like Brad Wilcox, a professor at the University of Virginia and a senior fellow at the Institute for Family Studies, say that the cultural deemphasis and ridicule of marriage and family life is likely a prime culprit in the surging rates of unhappiness among the young. As he wrote Monday, “Data consistently show that marriage and children confer compounding benefits to both men and women. Married men and women ages 25 to 55 are almost twice as likely to report they are ‘very happy’ with their life than their unmarried peers, according to the 2022 General Social Survey.” In addition, “Married people enjoy more financial stability and better emotional and physical health outcomes.”

Wilcox went on to observe that data from a recent survey of 3,000 American women revealed that “married mothers are among the happiest in the country,” reporting “less loneliness, more physical touch and deeper meaning and connection in their relationships than their unmarried and childless peers.”

As for men, Wilcox noted a theme particularly keyed in on by the late Charlie Kirk, who Wilcox credits with ushering in a new era of popular acceptance of marriage and family among young men, who crave a mission, “grounding their lives in responsibility and meaning in something bigger than themselves.” Wilcox pointed to a recent NBC survey, which found that young men who voted for Donald Trump in the 2024 election ranked “having children” as “the highest marker of personal success, followed by financial independence, a good job and marriage.”

In an Instagram post shortly before his death, Kirk wrote, “Having a family will change your life in the best ways, so get married and have kids. You won’t regret it.”

Wilcox also highlighted a speech that Kirk gave at a church, where he emphasized church attendance as the third key element to giving meaning to the lives of young men alongside marriage and raising children. “What young people are screaming is, they say, ‘Give me a structure that I can live my life by,’” Kirk remarked. “Especially young men … [they want] more saying, ‘Stop being a boy and become a man.’”

There are, in fact, indications that Millennials and Generation Z are leading the charge in a new surge in church attendance. According to recent research from Barna Group, Gen Zers now lead older generations in church attendance, averaging 1.9 weekends per month. Millennials are a close second, with an average of 1.8 weekends per month. Barna’s report notes that these numbers represent “a steady upward shift since the lows seen during the pandemic” and “are easily the highest rates of church attendance among young Christians since they first hit Barna’s tracking.”

This upward shift in church attendance among the young could mark a turning point in the dire mental health data that continues to surface. Research shows that those who attend church regularly report higher rates of happiness and civic engagement than those who are religiously unaffiliated or are inactive members of religious groups.

Still, it remains to be seen whether surveys indicating renewed interest in having children among young men will translate into more marriages and more children, with both marriage and fertility rates currently at or near record lows. The jury is also out on whether young people who are newly attending church will become church members for the long haul.

“Discipleship is absolutely essential,” Family Research Council’s David Closson told The Washington Stand earlier this month. “Jesus’s Great Commission was not simply to make converts but to ‘make disciples’ — to teach people to obey everything He commanded.” It’s good to see young people returning to church, Closson noted, but “that’s only the beginning.”

Marriage Mirage

Marriage Mirage

On a podcast lately, I was taken by the description of modern marriage as a mirage. In other words, the speaker was saying that while modern ideas of marriage look like God’s institution of marriage, it is a fake, an optical illusion.

In Genesis 2:24, we read  “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

In God’s design for marriage we note that

  • it is for a man and a woman
  • it is for two people
  • they become one flesh, that is marriage is a life long union.

In our modern individualistic world, marriage has morphed into something very different. This transformation started in the 1960’s with the contraceptive pill separating sex from commitment. In the 1970’s we had the imposition of “no fault” divorce. In the 1990’s we had an explosion of cohabiting couples, de facto relationship being given the same legal status as marriage and so on. Then along came same sex “marriage” and the destruction of marriage was all but complete.

It is only a matter of time before pressure starts to pile on for recognition of so-called polyamorous marriage. After all if any two people can get married, why should it be limited to just two people?

God’s plan for marriage is simple. A man and woman pledge themselves in a holy covenant to be with each other for the rest of their lives. It is simple, but not easy!

Marriage, it seems, can bring out the worst in people. That is a feature, not a bug. When we see what s really in our hearts we can repent and change.

Marriage brings true security for a husband and wife. They can build a partnership in the knowledge that they are both committed to the relationship. They can raise children knowing that the family will stick together and provide a good environment to raise a new generation.

In the west, we are reaping a tragic harvest.

  • Children not knowing their fathers
  • Fathers being separated from kids they love
  • Women having multiple children from multiple men
  • A rapidly declining birth rate
  • Children being abused by mum’s boyfriend
  • And much much more

What is called marriage in our society truly is a mirage of what God intended.

Real marriage can be hard work, but the rewards are worth it.

Get You A Bible

‘Get You a Bible’: Couple Married 84 Years Delivers Powerful ‘God’ Response While Sharing Secrets to Love, Long-Lasting Nuptials

Photo by Jeremy Wong Weddings on Unsplash
A couple with the longest-running marriage in the state of Arkansas has some simple advice for a successful marriage: seek the Lord.

Cleovis Whiteside, 102, and his wife Arwilda Whiteside, 98, got married in 1939, and with 84 years of matrimonial ups and downs under their belt, the couple recently delivered pointed advice to others.

“Pray,” Arwilda told USA Today, speaking to anyone considering walking down the aisle anytime soon. “Know how to get on your knees, and get you a Bible, because that Bible is going to have to take you through all kinds of storms.”

The couple openly credited God for their long-lasting nuptials, with Arwilda saying the Lord placed them together to “love one another.”

“We can hardly believe this is happening to us because we feel like we were the least, but God said, ‘No. You’ll glorify my name and love one another,’” she said, according to KATV-TV.

The Whitesides were honoured by the Arkansas Family Council, a Christian organisation that celebrates traditional families and marriage. The organisation honours the longest-married couples in the state, with the Whitesides reportedly currently holding the record in Arkansas.

The couple told USA Today about how their love story began, with the two meeting when Cleovis was 13 and Arwilda was 9; they married just a few years later.

The loving husband and wife had 12 children of their own and also housed others in need of families, with the duo being described as “pillars in the community.” Generosity, it seems, is ingrained in the fabric of the family, with Arwilda praising her husband’s kindness.

“He is always trying to help people,” she said.

Read more about the family’s story here.

‘Get You a Bible’: Couple Married 84 Years Delivers Powerful ‘God’ Response While Sharing Secrets to Love, Long-Lasting Nuptials

Photo by Jeremy Wong Weddings on Unsplash
A couple with the longest-running marriage in the state of Arkansas has some simple advice for a successful marriage: seek the Lord.

Cleovis Whiteside, 102, and his wife Arwilda Whiteside, 98, got married in 1939, and with 84 years of matrimonial ups and downs under their belt, the couple recently delivered pointed advice to others.

“Pray,” Arwilda told USA Today, speaking to anyone considering walking down the aisle anytime soon. “Know how to get on your knees, and get you a Bible, because that Bible is going to have to take you through all kinds of storms.”

The couple openly credited God for their long-lasting nuptials, with Arwilda saying the Lord placed them together to “love one another.”

“We can hardly believe this is happening to us because we feel like we were the least, but God said, ‘No. You’ll glorify my name and love one another,’” she said, according to KATV-TV.

The Whitesides were honoured by the Arkansas Family Council, a Christian organisation that celebrates traditional families and marriage. The organisation honours the longest-married couples in the state, with the Whitesides reportedly currently holding the record in Arkansas.

The couple told USA Today about how their love story began, with the two meeting when Cleovis was 13 and Arwilda was 9; they married just a few years later.

The loving husband and wife had 12 children of their own and also housed others in need of families, with the duo being described as “pillars in the community.” Generosity, it seems, is ingrained in the fabric of the family, with Arwilda praising her husband’s kindness.

“He is always trying to help people,” she said.

Read more about the family’s story here.

The Bride

This week, my wife and I celebrated our 43rd wedding anniversary. We are past the cards and flowers stage, but we did go out together for lunch the following day. I am looking forward now to the next “milestone”, the 50th.

When we were married, in our 20’s, we could not imagine that length of time. But looking back, we can see some things as if they happened just yesterday- our wedding, the births of our children, places we lived and friends we have made.

Our marriage has been 99% joyful because we share the same goals and we each put the interests of the other above our own desires. The other 1% was when one or other wanted their own way; that’s where forgiveness and unconditional love get to be practised.

The Bible tells us that when a man and a woman marry, they become “one flesh.” Two people bring their individual personalities and talents into a relationship, and over time they become so close and so knowledgeable of one another that they become almost one person.

In an individualistic society like ours that is the ultimate horror story- losing your individuality, your own sense of self-direction to another. It works out to be the opposite, because we gain far more than we give up. Less a horror story than a romantic comedy!

The Bible describes the relationship of God’s people to Christ as being like a marriage. The book of Revelation describes a big party in heaven where the church, made up of all the believers throughout history, is described as a bride being united with Jesus Christ her bridegroom.

That relationship, we are told, will last not just 43 or 50 years but for all eternity.

The good news is that the wedding is open to everyone, not just invited guests. In a funny way, Jesus’ death on the cross was like a proposal. He is asking you to join Him in the wedding of the ages, to spend eternity with Him.

Will you say “Yes”?

Marriage

At the time I am writing this article, I an about to perform a Wedding Service for a couple in our church.

It has made me think again how important marriage is, not just for the individuals involved, but for their children and the whole of society. Countless studies around the world have shown that, on average, married people are happier, live longer, and raise happier and healthier children who live more prosperous lives.

The Bible sets standards for marriage that are different from those of contemporary society. Marriage is to be a life-long union of a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others, Jesus was clear that only one reason was permitted for divorce and that was adultery.

If a person goes in to a marriage thinking that if it goes wrong they can walk away, then the chances are that is exactly what will happen.

When marriage is taken seriously, it gives great peace and security to families. It is awesome to know that there is one person in the world who has my back and will never abandon me, no matter what. When you are raising children, it gives them confidence to know that their parents will always be there for them.

The apostle Paul wrote that marriage was like the relationship between Jesus and the church. The faithfulness, commitment and deep love of a husband and wife is a physical sign of the deep love that Christ has for His people. When I recall that my wife and I are so deeply connected it is a reminder also that God would never abandon me.

If you are married, I encourage you to make a special effort today to show affection or gratitude to your spouse.

Something Worth Dying For – Saint Valentine’s Day

Valentine

 

5 FEBRUARY 2022

2.5 MINS

St Valentine witnessed to the importance of married love by his life and death. This Valentine’s Day, let us celebrate true love in our marriages, recommitting ourselves to loving and serving our spouses with joy.

On February 14 every year, couples around the world celebrate one of the heroes of Christian history.

As the story goes, Valentine was a Roman priest who married young couples in secret despite the decree of Emperor Claudius II forbidding all weddings. The emperor did this to more readily recruit young, unattached men into his armies. Valentine was discovered, arrested and eventually executed.

St Valentine didn’t officiate secret weddings simply out of compassion for local, love-struck couples. He did it because marriage is about a whole lot more than just two people committing to live together and maybe raise a few kids.

Marriage has a purpose beyond the fulfilment of the two spouses.

It is a call to honour God by living in service to each other, helping each other, and our children, to grow closer to God and to our destiny to be with Christ, our eternal bridegroom, for eternity.

It is also a Sacrament — a living witness of God’s presence in the world. As such, it has a number of characteristics that define it.

Encapsulated in the marriage rite, these characteristics include permanency, sexual intimacy, sexual exclusivity, unconditional sharing, openness to children and a willingness to raise any children in the Catholic faith.

That makes it something quite different to the secular understanding of marriage, which sees marriage as more about the personal happiness of each spouse.

Selfish & Short-Live vs Selfless & Eternal

In the secular model, marriage doesn’t need to be permanent. Nor does it need to involve children, let alone raising them Christian. The popularity of pre-nuptial agreements indicates a choice for limited and conditional sharing, rather than unconditional sharing.

And sexual infidelity is frequently indulged, often by mutual agreement in so-called ‘monogamish’ or ‘open’ marriages.

It’s hard to imagine anyone giving their life to defend such an impoverished concept of marriage as defined by our present secular culture.

But St Valentine didn’t die for this idea of marriage. He died defending a much grander idea; the idea that the freely-given, total, faithful and fruitful love of a man and woman in marriage could point us to God. The idea that this kind of relationship revealed the inner life of the Creator of the universe.

So, dear couples, this St Valentine’s Day, set your sights high! Do not be limited to the reductionist view of marriage that the culture puts forward, but lean into a bigger, grander vision. Tap into the aspirations of your youth and to which God invites us to pursue with diligence and persistence.

Questions for Couples on St Valentine’s Day   

  1. When did I feel most loved by you over the past week? Explain.
  2. Am I willing to let God be part of our marriage? To base our marriage on God’s values and vision rather than the worlds’ values? Why or why not?
  3. What am I willing to sacrifice in order to prioritise our marriage becoming more attuned to God’s vision and values?

Praying for Your Spouse 

One of the simplest, yet practical ways to strengthen our marriage and align it more closely with God’s desires is to pray daily for our spouse. Research has identified these benefits to couples: greater forgiveness, increase in selfless concern, trust, commitment, gratitude and fidelity and decrease in destructive behaviours like excess drinking and aggression.  Read more here.

Daily prayer for your spouse:

Lord God,
I praise You for the gift of my spouse,
and I thank You for the blessings I have had through him/her.
Forgive me for the times I have failed to love my spouse the way I should,
and help me to do better in bringing Your love and acceptance to him/her.

 

From Canberra Declaration

Husbands must not unburden themselves

Another great article from Adam Piggott about marriage and God.

Husbands must not unburden themselves

The question and Jack’s answer is the following:

Q3. Should a woman ever be expected to be a faithful, loyal listener when a man needs to talk things through?

A3. As a theoretical ideal, yes. In reality, no.

A graphic that will be familiar to most of my readers accompanies Jack’s answer.

The blue line represents the status quo position on familial power and authority. It is what most of us have grown up believing and as each month goes by it is pushed harder and harder by the global despots. It is a prime source of misery for both parties.

The red line represents what we graduated to as a result of attempting to overthrow our blue pill thinking. But it is limited as it still exists squarely in the secular world. It will grant you some short term satisfaction with a woman who is still invested in the trap of modernity, as indeed you are. In other words, you will exist together as long as it is materially convenient for both parties.

The grey line represents the truth of the matter, (I don’t know why the color grey was chosen as gold would be far more appropriate). In this line we have patriarchy. Man submits to God, wife submits to husband, and children submit to their parents. Deti neatly summed this up with the following comment:

“Right. When a man has problems, fears, anxieties, despair, depression, etc., he’s to go to God with it. He’s to go to other men with it (iron sharpening iron). Men are iron; women are cheesecloth, or in some cases Brillo pads. Cheesecloth does not sharpen iron. Brillo pads do not sharpen iron; they’re just abrasive irritants.

Children go to parents, usually Mom, with problems.

Wife goes to husband with problems.

Husband goes to God with problems.

Children respect/submit to parents; wife respects/submits to husband; husband respects/submits to God.

God loves husband; husband loves wife, wife loves children.”

So far so good. But here is when it dawned on me why the question posed is an abomination. The act of a man unburdening himself of his fears to his wife puts her in a terrible position. It would be as if she unburdened herself in a similar way to her children. Or even more unthinkably, if God had to unburden himself to man.

Consider that for a moment. As men, we look to God for strength. The idea for us that God has any weaknesses at all is abhorrent. It would shatter our belief in God. It would render Him impotent in our eyes.

Eric Silk in a comment summed this up well:

“They say that the relationship between husband and wife is like the relationship between God and us.

Well… We know considerably less about God’s mind/heart than God knows about our minds/hearts.”

More than that, we do not wish to know God’s heart or mind. It is a burden enough dealing with our own.

Within this context it should be radically clear just how demonic the modern concept of equality is. The coordinated propaganda for men to ‘get in touch with their feelings’ via their female counterparts is not merely self-defeating; it is damning. It is a trap for a man even to contemplate the idea of unburdening his feelings to his wife, let alone to do so. Our women need us to be strong, resolute, unyielding and to have the answers because that is the original deal. That is what female natures demand, just as male natures demand the same from God.

To understand what a woman needs from a relationship with her husband we merely need to consider what we need from our relationship with God.

In conclusion I am in disagreement with Jack’s answer to the question on whether a man should be able to unburden his troubles with his wife. The answer is no, period. There is no theoretical ideal, as such a whimsy fantasy leads men directly to disaster. We need to grow up and be resolute on this. Leaders lead. They do not seek the soft reassurance of underlings to moisten their egos. To do such a thing is weakness, and women abhor weakness. As indeed we would do if it were ever presented to us from above.

(As a concluding aside, this is why Satan is in hell – he is weakness personified.)

Sex, Consent and Personal Responsibility

Sex, Consent and Personal Responsibility

A long time ago, in what now seems like a galaxy far away, the general consensus was that the only appropriate context for sexual activity was within marriage defined as one man and one woman committing themselves to each other for life. This viewpoint was derived from the Bible and 2000 years of christian tradition.

Marriage provided a safe place for people who loved each other to engage in sex acts in an atmosphere of mutual respect. “Consent” could be negotiated by partners who knew each other intimately and were committed to pleasing one another. Marriage also provided a safe place for children to be raised, which was important because in those days sex and reproduction were hard to separate.

The system was not perfect as people were involved. Rape was an uncommon but real crime and generally despised by the public. Domestic violence was a reality that marred some marriages. People were unfaithful at times, and divorce on these grounds occurred.

Then in the 1960’s came the birth control pill and the Sexual Revolution. Sexual activity was divorced from childbirth and also from marriage. More diverse forms of sexual expression came to be tolerated and “no fault” divorce became all the rage, leading to much higher rates of marriage breakdown.

Sixty years on, we have a very weak institution of marriage being constantly undermined to accommodate same sex marriage and threesomes.

More worrying, but entirely predictable, we have people opining about the issue of consent in sexual encounters. Self-styled “experts” claim that consent must be enthusiastic at every stage of the process. If you so much as look at a person without this consent you can be accused of harassment or assault.

The NSW Police Commissioner suggested a phone app whereby people can register their agreement before hand, only to be shot down by the feminists who claim it was just a patriarchal ploy to continue the repression of women. What happens if “Yes” changes to “No” part way? If you are playing with your phone prior to sex, you might as well just cut all the risk and go straight to the porn sites.

Men have their reputations trashed by people alleging unwanted sexual approaches that took place decades before. Even the death of a complainant years ago is not enough to stop the outrage and the name calling.

We don’t need consent apps and education in primary schools. We don’t need culture change in Parliament or diversity training in corporations.

Just one simple rule will fix it: if you are not married to a person you don’t have sex with them, kiss them, touch them or do anything remotely sexual with them.

An additional rule would be: you love your spouse with all your body, mind and soul until death parts you. Those words you spoke at the altar are supposed to be a binding life-long promise.

If society honoured marriage, practised the “sanctity” of marriage and taught children and youth to do likewise, many of the scandals and problems that keep cropping up would be done away with.

This is another area where God’s intention for people works out a lot better than the wisdom of mere humans.

Hope For Every Impossible Marriage

Marriage is basically impossible without the grace of God. But when one partner is same-sex attracted, that’s beyond impossible, right? Wrong.

Laurie Kreig writes this in Ann Voskamp’s blog:

My heart felt icy. “Why am I even in this marriage?” I silently asked Jesus. “God, help me. Please, give me some hope.”

I clicked on a Christian podcast seeking to encourage married people. The gender joking began immediately: “Is it God’s big joke that He makes men and women get married?” I braced myself, guessing I knew what would come next. I’ve heard it dozens—if not hundreds—of times.

“Seeking unity through our differences preaches the gospel.”
“I mean, seriously! We all want to have sex before we get married, but then we get married, and surprise! Men like their sports, not talking emotionally, want lots of physical intimacy, and they want to be left alone in their ‘man caves.’ Women? They like Pinterest, talking emotionally, they don’t want sex, and they want to relate in their ‘she sheds.’ But! We are in a covenant, and God hates divorce, so, ha ha! Stinks to be us. We are stuck!”

Click. I couldn’t listen anymore. My cold heart squeezed in pain.

Yeah. Why is it male-and-female marriage? If you all hate each other so much, why are you even married?

The weight of their gender jabs fell extra heavily on my ears. I wasn’t just wrestling with staying in my marriage to my husband, Matt; I was wrestling with staying in my marriage to a man.

We all have our own story and this is my story.

And I am grateful to vulnerably and humbly share my story, and grateful for people to hold space for my story and the way it unfolded.

For as long as I can remember, I have been attracted to women. After college, as I wrestled with either killing myself, or coming out as a lesbian atheist, I reached out to a therapist for help with the suicidality.

This Jesus-loving counselor not only helped to remove shame and self-hatred from my life—she helped me to encounter Jesus like I never had before.

Her work through the power of the Spirit did not transform me from gay to straight, but it cleared a path in my heart to receive more of God’s love.

Read the rest of the story here: