I recently came across the strange phrase “Ethical Porn” in the context of a parent wanting to find “good” pornography for their sons to look at.
The idea of ethical porn is that we can clean up the pornography industry by removing the nasty bits of the industry.
Porn has long been associated with people trafficking, slavery, non-consensual activities and a string of other nasty practices.
Many performers have to resort to drugs to cope with the dehumanising effects of the industry. Like any film productions, porn movies require multiple takes of specific actions in what is usually a more violent activity than most of us would consider to be normal sex. Often a day’s shooting leaves the actors in pain and looking for chemical relief.
Ethical porn involves people not being coerced into performing and removing the trafficking element. They supposedly give consent before and during the filming to demonstrate that everything is consensual.
This is just pure fantasy, as is everything around the consumption of porn.
Many movies already feature the performers discussing the scene before and their experience afterwards. In fact, it is part of their contract. Actors who refuse to do this, or do so in an honest way that suggests that they did not enjoy the session, don’t get paid. They run the risk of not being employed by the same production company or other companies in the industry.
Many actors claim that the actual contents of a movie might be entirely different to that which was discussed before. More men might be brought into the studio so that a straight sex scene becomes gang rape, or a “rough sex” video turns into bondage and sadism.
There can never be any such thing as “ethical porn” because pornography overturns God’s plan for human flourishing.
Sex was designed for intimacy within a marriage- one man and one woman voluntarily bound to one another for life.
Sex was designed for the production of babies and, within marriage, is a part of an ecosystem of healthy relationships providing nurture and love for children.
Sex was never meant to be a performance. When it is turned into entertainment for the pleasure of viewers, it strips the performers of all human dignity. It can never be anything but exploitative, because the audience is not seeing human beings, just body parts.
All porn is unethical.
We live in an age where people call good things bad and bad things good. We love things that appeal to our fleshly nature. When it is clear that there are potential dark sides to the things we enjoy, we tell ourselves we can clean it up and salve our consciences.
God has told us what He wants from us to promote human flourishing. Vicarious adultery is not part of that plan, even when we dress it in mice clothes like “ethical porn.”
According to Laila Mickelwait, the founder and CEO of Justice Defence Fund, Pornhub, just two years ago the world’s largest and most popular pornographic website, is on the brink of collapsing. She is urging people to “double down” in their efforts to oppose the industry.
In a recent email to supporters, Laila Mickelwait outlined some enormously positive developments in the war against porn.
In January 2020, Pornhub was the 10th most visited website on the internet — more popular than Netflix, Amazon or Yahoo. Chillingly for those concerned about the influence of Big Tech, Pornhub ranks as the third most influential tech company, behind just Facebook and Google.
But all that has changed.
As Mickelwait explains:
“By January 2022, thanks to all who have joined the #TraffickingHub movement, Pornhub took down 80% of the entire site, totaling [sic] 10 million videos, lost all payment processing (MasterCard, Visa, Discover, and PayPal), lost all major corporate partners (Grant Thornton, Roku, Comcast, Xfinity, Heinz and Unilever) and became a global pariah — with thousands of media articles exposing them.”
Apparently, Pornhub is also under threat from multiple major lawsuits in both the United States and Canada. They are being investigated “for child sexual abuse material, sex trafficking, and organized crime”.
Additionally, just last month the CEO and COO of MindGeek (Pornhub’s parent company) “abruptly and unceremoniously resigned” from their positions. Simultaneously, 30 per cent of the company was sacked.
Mickelwait continues:
“It feels like we are seeing a behemoth of a corporation on the verge of collapse — and it is well deserved. As Nicholas Kristof put it from the New York Times, ‘The world has often been oblivious to child sexual abuse, from the Catholic Church to the Boy Scouts. Too late, we prosecute individuals like Jeffrey Epstein or R. Kelly. But we should also stand up to corporations that systematically exploit children. With Pornhub, we have Jeffrey Epstein times 1,000.’”
She finishes with an impassioned call to action:
“Epstein wasn’t given a slap on the wrist. He was put in prison and his companies were shut down. That is what real justice looks like. That is the kind of justice that will deter future perpetrators. Pornhub deserves nothing less.
Now is not the time to let up. It’s time to double down.”
If you want to support the work of Justice Defense Fund or find more about them, you can go to their website.
Bruce Charlton asked me about my views on celibacy in the context of the broader argument concerning MGTOW and its derivatives. I have already written about the dangers of jerking off and the sexual demons that accompany such mortal sins. But a discussion of celibacy itself I have not yet attempted. Thus the very first thing that I want to do is to define celibacy.
Celibacy is an abstention from all sexual acts, whether solitary or with someone else.
This is very important because many men claim to be celibate when in actual fact they are constantly playing with themselves like demented monkeys.
Bruce wrote the following in his question:
Celibacy may be a misfortune that needs to be borne with the best spirit that can be mustered, but it may be a particular man’s destiny to endure and learn-from (and sometimes this destiny will be divinely ordained).
And celibacy may be a positive Christian choice – as with the priesthood and religious orders.
In other words the whole idea of MGTOW is wrongly-framed and indeed spiritually destructive – because such discourse encourages the grave (and addictive) sin of resentment, rooted in the pernicious (and distinctively leftist) habit of regarding oneself as a victim.”
Bruce does not go far enough here. Celibacy absolutely must be viewed as a positive Christian choice because by doing as such we are embracing God’s path for us in a positive manner. This is critically important because it means that as a man you have individual power and autonomy over your actions and choices.
To illustrate this further, here is another comment from the same discussion by reader Joe:
Involuntary celibacy in a world drenched in porn and degeneracy is a living hell. It’s no wonder these men become resentful and go MGTOW. Although it would more accurately be called men going nowhere.”
Classifying something as involuntary directly infers that you have no power over your own circumstances. A powerless man is no man at all. Remember, the words that we use are critical. They have meaning and thus they convey power, or they take it away. Far from agonising over your celibate circumstances, you must embrace it, for that is what God desires for you in this time.
My wife left me over three years ago and since that time I have been celibate. My world is not “drenched in porn and degeneracy” because I simply don’t consume such demonic products. The first months were the hardest, but after that it got far easier to the point where now I barely register it. And believe me, I have been a womanising miscreant of major proportions in my life.
I don’t merely embrace my current celibacy, I take joy from it. Because for the very first time in my adult and teenage life I find myself in the position where I am not ruled by my passions. I am not engaging in these mortal sins and as such I am much clearer in my head. Do not be deceived; sin makes you stupid. If you want to begin to understand how and why our society is so stupid on so many levels, it is primarily because of the awful amounts of mortal sins which the average person performs on a daily basis.
If God sends a wife my way then I will be happy for that divine opportunity, which would be a real blessing considering my past behavior. But if not, then so be it. I cannot focus on this because what I must focus on is my relationship with God and His word. First I focus on Him above all else. By doing so my head becomes less cluttered and more clear; I am calmer and better able to make good decisions. I am not ruled by my emotions but rather by His will.
I am voluntarily celibate. I choose this path because I must remain bound within His law. Anything else is unacceptable to me. And I am able to do so with joy and with gladness at the many gifts that He has bestowed upon me. I do not feel bitterness at my circumstances nor loss at what might have been. I am blessed in so many different ways that demanding now that God provide me with a wife would be unseemly and greedy.
So take courage from these words and embrace the path that God has chosen for you, with grace and dignity and good humor. Do not overburden yourself with red pill rules while you jump through self-inflicted hoops to attract a mate or keep the one that you’re in danger of losing. Rather, get your own house in order. Focus on His rules and laws and how you can live them as a worthy servant of our Lord. If that means being celibate, really celibate, then so be it. If we are going to be worthy of Him then we need to be made of stern stuff.
Like sand on a beach, the brain bears the footprints of the decisions we have made, the skills we have learned
—Sharon Begley, Newsweek Science Editor1
Restart and reboot yourself. You’re free to go.
—U2, “Unknown Caller”2
“I know it’s not really true,” said Manny, “but it seems as if my brain has been conditioned by porn. I’ve tried everything and nothing helps.”
“Why do you say it’s not really true?” I asked.
“It’s like saying, ‘It’s not really my fault,’” he answered. “I can’t blame anyone or anything else for my problem. I’m supposed to trust God, right?”
“What if your brain really is conditioned to need porn?” I asked. “And what if acknowledging that meant that you were actually exercising faith?”
“Well, that would be pretty cool,” he said, chuckling. “I wouldn’t feel like such an absolute loser.”
My conversation with Manny is not unlike talks I’ve had with many men who have sincerely pursued recovering from porn addiction but who have not yet realized that porn physically changes the brain. Without understanding porn’s impact on the brain, too many men either quit trying to change or carry unnecessary guilt and shame when their spiritual zeal and willpower aren’t enough.
Any discussion about compulsive use of pornography is incomplete without understanding these physical changes. God created human beings in physical bodies, and David wrote of his own creation in the womb that he was “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalms 139:14). So are we. Defining ourselves and our problems in only spiritual terms not only is unbiblical but also hinders our recovery.
In the last decade, the field of neuroscience has exploded our understanding of the human brain. Recent discoveries have profound implications on treating various addictions and psychological disorders, and pursuing physical and emotional well-being. The consistent theme is that contrary to conventional wisdom, our brains are highly changeable.
When you fly on a major airline, your journey begins with a preflight announcement, which includes a review of the emergency procedure card in the back pocket in the seat in front of you. That card gives you important instructions about how to escape to safety in the event of emergency. You aren’t asked to master the finer details of airplane safety; you’re given basic instructions that could save your life if something goes wrong. My goal in this chapter is to give you the back-pocket version of how porn affects your brain, and how you can use this information to break free from porn’s grip on your brain.
Back in the day, a popular public service announcement on television touted the dangers of drug use. “This is drugs,” a man began, as the screen showed a sizzling skillet. “This is your brain on drugs,” the voice-over continued, as an egg is cracked into the hot skillet and is instantly fried. “Any questions?” the PSA concludes.3 Its meaning is clear. Behavioral addictions, like porn, affect the brain just like drugs—in all major respects.4
*
How To Rewire Your Brain
One of the most profound discoveries in understanding the brain involves the concept of neuroplasticity. This is the idea that our brain changes as the result of experience. Porn changes the brain in an undesirable way. The man who doesn’t watch porn, or is not yet addicted, has yet to develop sensitized “weed-whacked” pathways. But the porn neuropathways of a man whose brain is addicted are weed-whacked and trampled down so that they have become the path of least resistance. But your brain can be changed in a positive and healthy direction. Rewiring your brain allows it to unlearn the addictive patterns and relearn impulse control. This occurs as the addictive “gotta have it” pathways are weakened and the “think about it” pathways are strengthened. Here’s how you can begin rewiring your brain.
Practice Intentional Thinking
What you think about is ultimately what you become. What we once called “the power of positive thinking” is increasingly backed by scientific evidence. The more attention your brain pays to a given input, the stronger and more elaborately it will be wired and retained in the brain.5 When we give our attention and focus to good things, like peace, joy, and self-control, our brains rewire themselves in a way that allows us to experience those good things. Wouldn’t it make sense, then, to be intentional about what we give ourselves to?
With this in mind, consider the words of the apostle Paul: “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” (Philippians 4:8 UPDATED NIV).
When Scripture exhorts us to set our minds on good things, it concerns more than just the well-being of our souls. It also affects the well-being of our brains. Our neural circuitry forms itself around whatever we give our attention and focus to. That’s why Paul connected our transformation with the renewing of our minds: “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Romans 12:2).
In the next chapter I discuss how you can practice focusing on what is pure, lovely, and admirable, in a way that rewires your brain to its original setting before porn—but better.
Pursue Alternate Passions
The famous philosopher, novelist, and poet Johann Wolfgang von Goethe was right. We are shaped and fashioned by what we love. Certainly this applies to our brains. The life focus of a man struggling with porn leads to tunnel vision. When a man views porn on a regular basis, his passions are held captive, and he forfeits the ability to direct his life in the way he would otherwise choose.
Many men realize the importance of pursuing their passions. What is life-giving to your soul? What relationships have been affected by your use of porn? What enjoyable activities have stopped? Of all possible alternative passions, exercise is the most crucial. Studies show that exercise increases dopamine receptors, therefore helping to rewire the brain.6 Another study showed that the number one behavior associated with successful substance abuse recovery was exercise.7 If you have not been physically active in the past with some form of exercise, it’s important that you begin. Don’t assume you have to join a health club or sign up for the Ironman Triathlon. You can walk, hike, or ride a bike. Take the stairs instead of the elevator.
Recent attention has been given to children and adults who suffer from NDD, or nature deficit disorder, as a result of spending too much time online or engaged in electronic media. Avoid this disorder by interacting with the outdoors in the sunshine, fresh air, and natural beauty of God’s creation. Get out and move! Pursuing alternative passions expands your horizons and rewires your brain at the same time.
Employ the Power of Repetition
Studies show that repeated behaviors, over time, cause structural changes in the brain. These changes can be negative—causing compulsion and addiction. Or they can be positive—rewiring the brain so the stimuli of porn and lust are no longer a reflexive reaction. Repetition helps lock behaviors in the brain in the same way an athlete develops muscle memory. Or consider a concert pianist. When performing, he never thinks, Now I will reach my left hand exactly seven inches to the right while simultaneously moving my right hand two inches to the left. Instead, the pianist’s brain has learned to bypass the conscious cognitive step and follow a learned response.
So be encouraged. Your struggle with porn is a learned response, in many ways, just like the skills of a pianist or athlete. Your brain can unlearn, and it can change.8
Watch the video
1. Sharon Begley, Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain: How a New Science Reveals Our Extraordinary Potential to Transform Ourselves (New York: Ballantine Books, 2007), 9. 2. U2, Brian Eno, and Daniel Lanois, “Unknown Caller,” on U2’s No Line on the Horizon (album), produced by Brian Eno, Daniel Lanois, and Steve Lillywhite, 2009. 3. Partnership for a Drug-Free America, “Brain on Drugs” (public service announcement), viewable on YouTube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dk9XY8Nrs0A&feature=related. 4. American Society of Addiction Medicine, Public Policy Statement, Definition of Addiction, August 15, 2011, http://www.asam.org/About.html. 5. John Medina, Brain Rules: 12 Principles for Surviving and Thriving at Work, Home, and School (Seattle: Pear Press, 2008). 6. Marta G. Vucckovic et al., “Exercise elevates dopamine D2 receptor in a mouse model of Parkinson’s disease in vivo imaging with (18F) fallypride (2010),” Movement Disorders, vol. 25, issue 16, 2777–84, 15 December 2010. 7. Chen Hsiun lng, et al., “Long term compulsive exercise reduces the rewarding efficacy of 3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamine,” Behav Brain Res., 2008 Feb 11;187(1):185–9. Epub 2007 Sep 16. 8. I am grateful to Gary Wilson for allowing me to liberally draw from his collected research and simplified scientific explanations. His website http://yourbrainonporn.com is an invaluable resource.
Excerpted with permission from Surfing for God: Discovering the Divine Desire Beneath Sexual Struggle by Michael John Cusick, copyright Michael John Cusick, 2012.
10 Reasons Why Porn Is Unhealthy For Consumers And Society
In our world today, we have seemed to assimilate a toxin into our understanding of a healthy life, and primarily, a healthy sex life. Can you guess what it is?
This toxin is none other than pornography. In recent years, pornography has been deemed a normal, healthy aspect to human sexuality, and that the taboo and shame around it should be obliterated.
Though we agree that shame has no place in a discussion on porn consumption, we (and a whole lot of scientific research) disagree that modern pornography promotes healthy sexuality. To be honest, we not only think that it doesn’t promote healthy sex lives—we think you simply can’t be pro-pornography and pro-sex. They are incompatible, at their cores.
If you don’t think so, check out our list of the top 10 reasons why porn is the worst for consumers and society:
The act of consuming porn alone can hurt the consumer’s partner, [1] but on top of that, porn consumption can lead people to feel less satisfied with their partner’s physical appearance and sexual performance. [2] Similarly, other research has found that porn consumers are not as intimate or committed to their partners, [3] and are less satisfied with their romantic and sex lives. [4]
2. Porn objectifies people.
The entire premise of porn is based upon seeing people as objects or tools for the consumer’s sexual gratification. Men and women both are seen as merely parts, not as whole people; men’s faces are rarely seen and women are just a collection of body parts and orifices.
Something tells us that training ourselves to see anyone—even strangers on a screen—as mere objects isn’t the healthiest habit to get into. Research would agree.
3. Porn normalizes violence and abuse.
The “softcore” pornography of previous decades is gone, and the violent, abusive pornography of today is in full-force and completely mainstream.
In a 2010 study of the most popular porn videos, 9 out of 10 scenes contained physical and/or verbal aggression, and the victim in these scenes responded either with pleasure or indifference. [5] Some common, and popular, categories of porn include rape scenarios and incest.
Is “fantasy” really harmless when it involves fantasizing assault and other harms that would never be seen as acceptable in real life?
4. Porn promotes racism and sexism.
Porn thrives off of stereotypes: by displaying women as submissive objects willing and eager to do anything for men, and by displaying men as aggressive, power-hungry beings who long to take advantage of vulnerable people, the complexity of gender and individuality are already reduced to gross misrepresentations.
Porn changes a consumer’s expectations of sex, especially when these consumers’ are young, impressionable, and without firsthand experience in the realm of a sexual relationship. In porn, people look perfect, can (and will) have sex at any moment, and everything will be catered exactly to how the consumer wants it. In real life? Not so much.
Our brains our able to change aspects of their structure throughout our lifetime, and some things are better at doing this than others. Unfortunately for us, pornography is one of those things. Because of how strongly porn triggers the reward center in our brain, neural pathways are built easily and get stronger, leading to the potential for the reward of pornography to be greater than sex with an actual partner. [6]
7. Porn can fuel extreme sexual tastes.
Because of how readily porn changes the consumer’s brain, porn consumption is an escalating and sometimes addictive behavior. As the consumer becomes desensitized to a certain type of porn, they will gradually turn to different, and oftentimes more extreme, types of pornography.
8. Porn leads people to disengage from their lives.
A porn habit or a porn addiction can pull people away from the things they love and care about most. Whether it’s their romantic relationships, their social lives, or their hobbies, porn can lead to a more isolated life for a multitude of reasons. Be it shame, depression, disinterest, addiction, etc., porn is not proven to be a tool for enhancing your quality of life—it’s shown to do the opposite.
Porn warps a consumer’s expectations of sex, re-shapes their sexual tastes (usually for the worst), leaves them less satisfied with intimate sexual encounters and with their partner, and oftentimes leads to less sex overall. [7]
10. Porn facilitates sex trafficking.
The connections between pornography and sex trafficking are daunting. Consider the facts: pornography increases demand for trafficking by providing an outlet for people to imitate what they’ve fetishized in porn, porn consumption is linked to violence, victims of trafficking are often “groomed” and desensitized with pornography, [8] and people who grow up where porn is regularly consumed are more likely to be trafficked in their life. [9]
Most importantly than all that, though, porn and sex trafficking are often the same thing, and there’s no real way to tell if the porn you’re consuming is of an individual who has been a victim of human trafficking in some way or another.
Multiple research studies, similar conclusions
Ultimately, the research is clear: porn is harmful to consumers, relationships, and society at large. If you’re interested in living a healthy, full life, free from contributing to sexual exploitation or an industry that profits from sexualizing illicit and exploitative behavior, steer clear from porn.
Picture this: you are in a happy, seemingly healthy relationship with your partner. You both love spending time together and understand each other in a way no one else does. You have something really special, and you feel really confident in your relationship and secure in your partner’s love for you.
One day, you find your partner looking at naked, explicit pictures of another girl or guy in your friend group. Suddenly, you might doubt your partner’s love for you. Your world is turned upside down. You may think, “Why are they looking at her or him? Am I not enough? Why are they going outside of our relationship for sexual satisfaction? Why are they cheating on me?”
Most of us recognize that finding our partner looking at pictures or videos of a naked friend would be cheating, at least in some way. That person becomes the “other girl” or “other guy” that drives a wedge in the close, exclusive connection. Yet somehow, in our culture, looking at porn is “normal,” even though it means sharing your time, affection, and sexuality with someone outside of your relationship. Even though it means specifically seeking out another person, strangers on a screen, for sexual gratification.
So let’s pose a tough question: can porn become the “other” girl or other guy in a relationship?
The Effects Are Still Real
Porn can be destructive to any relationship. A porn habit takes the time, attention, and affection that can be given to a partner, and instead, gives it to an exaggerating performer on a screen. It can isolate the viewer from their real life relationship and affect the way they view their partner. And at times, viewers may end up seeking sexual satisfaction through their screen rather than with their partner, exclusively. After all, porn never rejects you, it never won’t want to try a new idea, and it’s never “not in the mood.” In any other instance where a physical person is involved, this would automatically be considered cheating, right?
Just because the person is on the screen and not in the room, physically, does not mean that the effects on the relationship are not devastating, and this is something our society gets really wrong. But let’s look at the facts.
What’s the Research?
Two of the most respected pornography researchers, Jennings Bryant and Dolf Zillman at the University of Alabama, studied the effects of porn and media for over 30 years. Their studies found that viewing pornography makes many users less satisfied with their own partner’s physical appearance, sexual performance, affection, and sexual curiosity. [1] Other researchers have confirmed those results and added that porn users tend to be significantly less intimate with their partners, [2] less committed in their relationships, [3] less satisfied with their romantic and sex lives, [4] and more likely to physically cheat on their partners. [5]
Porn can also change sexual tastes so that viewers no longer respond to their partners. [6] Researchers have shown a strong connection between porn use and low sex drive, erectile dysfunction, and trouble reaching orgasm. [7] Many frequent porn users reach a point where they have an easier time getting aroused by Internet porn than by having actual sex with a real partner. [8]
The problem with porn is that people who have a habit viewing it can often end up consciously or subconsciously comparing their partner to the never-ending variety of men or women of unrealistic proportions and sexual appetites on the screen. And that’s not exactly ideal for a healthy, intimate, exclusive connection.
So What Can You Do?
Here’s the thing—every person who watches porn can watch it for different reasons. Sometimes, it’s an old habit that’s hard to kill. Others really are hooked, with no intention of giving it up or trying to stop for themselves. Or, someone could be watching porn because they think it’ll inspire their sex life with their partner (even though research shows how that’s not really a good idea). No matter why someone is watching porn, it’s important for a couple to communicate about their expectations and what they think about it. Yes, porn can be very harmful, but there is a huge difference between someone who is watching because they can’t seem to stop versus someone who watches because they don’t want to or care to stop.
In so many cases, porn can really feel like the “other woman” or “other man” in a relationship. Most people want their relationship to be based on mutual love, fidelity, and respect, sharing all of themselves with each other. That’s the best case scenario, right? Giving all of yourself to your partner can be made more difficult if you are simultaneously giving yourself to women or men on a screen. Strive for the ideal, and keep it real.
Why This Matters
In a relationship, porn can become that person “on the side,” whom one goes to in order to have their needs met. If you don’t think porn adds to the health of a relationship, SHARE this article.
Researchers are finding a link between the free availability of pornography and all kinds of sexual dysfunction including erectile dysfunction in increasingly younger men. It turns out that if you get your excitement from a screen, your brain eventually thinks that is preferable to the warmth of a real living person.
From Fight The New Drug
Contrary to what you might see in today’s mainstream media, instead of increasing sexual enjoyment, porn often leads to less satisfying sex in the long run and, for many users, no sex at all. Yikes.
Let’s break down how that actually happens, and how porn is playing a huge role in the skyrocketing number of cases of adolescent erectile dysfunction.
Porn and Erectile Dysfunction
Erectile dysfunction (ED) has been increasing in sexually active men under 40. [1] Internet porn is in some ways to blame for this rise, with a growing number of studies showing a correlation between porn and ED. Now, researchers have identified pornography-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED) and pornography-induced abnormally low libido.
It turns out that high exposure to pornography videos can result in lower responsivity in a male and an increased need for more extreme or kinky material for him to become aroused. Or in other words, as some users develop a tolerance for sexual-arousing material, the porn that used to excite them starts to seem boring. [2] Predictably, they often try to compensate by spending more time with porn and/or seeking out more hardcore material in an effort to regain the excitement they used to feel. [3] Many users find themes of aggression, violence, and increasingly “edgy” acts creeping into their porn habits and fantasies. [4]
And due to this porn overload, some guys are no longer aroused in the presence of a partner. They begin to experience sexual dysfunction, and even ED, and can only become sexually excited when watching porn, as explained by this extensive report from Medical News Today.
Instead of increasing sexual enjoyment, porn often leads to less satisfying sex in the long run and, for many users, no sex at all.
Porn promises a virtual world filled with sex—more sex and better sex. What it doesn’t mention, however, is that the further a user goes into that fantasy world, the more likely their reality is to become just the opposite. [1] Porn often leads to less sex and less satisfying sex. [2] And for many users, porn eventually means no sex at all. [3]
How? Well, it starts in your brain.
You see, your brain is full of nerve pathways that make up what scientists call your “brain map.” [4] It’s kind of like a hiking map in your head, with billions of tiny overlapping trails. These pathways connect different parts of your brain together, helping you make sense of your experiences and control your life.
When you have a sexual experience that feels good, your brain starts creating new pathways to connect what you’re doing to the pleasure you’re feeling. [5] Essentially, your brain is redrawing the sexual part of you map so you’ll be able to come back later and repeat the experience. [6] (SeeHow Porn Is Like a Drug). The same thing happens the first time you watch porn. Your brain starts building new pathways in response to this very powerful new experience. [7] It’s saying, “This feels great! Let’s do this again.”
But here’s the catch: your brain map operates on a “use it or lose it” principle. [8] Just like a hiking trail will start to grow over if it’s not getting walked on, brain pathways that don’t get traffic become weaker and can even be completely replaced by stronger pathways that get more use.
As you might expect, watching porn is a very powerful experience that leaves a strong and lasting impression in the brain. (SeeHow Porn Changes the Brain.) Every time you watch porn—especially if you heighten the experience by masturbating—you are strengthening the part of your brain map that connects arousal to porn. [9] Meanwhile, the pathways connecting arousal to things like seeing, touching, or cuddling with a partner aren’t getting used. Pretty soon, natural turn-ons aren’t enough, and many porn users find they can’t get aroused by anything but porn. [10]
7 FACTORS SHOW PORNOGRAPHY IS BAD BECAUSE IT’S NOT GOOD ENOUGH
It’s not that bad.That is probably the reaction many have when reading my post on Magic Mike, 50 Shades of Grey and the pornification of women.
I mean, after all, there are many worse things out there, right?
That is absolutely correct, but it is the wrong question to ask. Just like asking how far can I run away from godly purity and it still be OK, it is not the right perspective to ask “What’s the worst bad thing I can do and it not be ‘that bad’?”
The right question to ask is “What’s the best thing?” When we have that perspective, we see things completely differently.
Magic Mike, 50 Shades of Grey and other forms of pornography, be they “better” or “worse,” all pale in comparison to the best thing in regards to sexual fulfillment – God’s design.
For many of us, it may seem odd to think about God’s design for sex and His desire that we enjoy it. That may not be a traditional view, but it is a biblical one. If He created us (and He did) and if He created us male and female (and He did), then He created us in a particular way that makes sex pleasurable.
He didn’t have to make human reproduction like that, but He chose to give us this gift for our enjoyment. Being the Creator of it, however, He knew that it would only truly be completely enjoyed in a certain way – within the permanent bond of marriage.
Sure, you can have sex outside of that and it will give you pleasure in some form, but you will not and cannot experience the full sense of joy, peace and love that comes from exercising God’s gift within His design.
In his book, True Sexual Morality, Daniel Heimbach examines sex from a biblical perspective and discovers that certain factors are always present in proper godly exercising of our sexual desires. These seven benefits are facets on the diamond of sexual fulfillment that God has given us.
What makes pornography so vile is that it promises each of these, but can never fulfill any of them. In this way, pornography is the exact opposite of God’s design for sex. It is the most extreme perversion of how God intended us to find fulfillment sexually.
What should sex look like and how does pornography, of all types, miss the mark? Here are the seven components of biblical sex.
1. Personal – God made sex extremely personal. He gave it to the first husband and wife in the garden for them to enjoy together. Sex is made to share in relationship, with that being the marriage relationship.
Pornography claims to meet this need, but instead it enflames lust (not love) toward objects – images, words and thoughts. There is nothing personal about watching someone on the screen. There is nothing personal about reading about a man sexually abusing a younger woman, as is the case in 50 Shades of Grey.
2. Exclusive – In the very way it was designed, sex was meant to be exclusive between spouses. It was meant to be a bond between those two and those two alone.
Pornography, while appealing to this, can never be exclusive. The objects are viewed by countless others. The very fact that it is popular demonstrates that it cannot be exclusive. The woman in the audience of Magic Mike is one of millions of others who saw the men on the screen.
3. Intimate – Sex was designed to be more than just a physical act. It was made to join two human beings together completely. It is to be an act that unites them physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
Pornography can say it is intimate, but it is strictly about a physical desire of one person. It is not something truly shared with another person. Even if a couple views it together, it does not increase their intimacy. It invites images of others into their bedroom.
4. Fruitful – God’s design is for sex to bear fruit. The most obvious example of this is children, but that is not the only fruit that grows from a healthy married sexual relationship. A deeper, healthier relationship between the husband and wife is a clear result.
Pornography can produce nothing of value. All it can do is tear down what has been built, be it purity, integrity, honor, relationships, marriages, families, etc. The only fruit it could produce is rotten.
5. Selfless – Sex is intended for spouses to show love to each other. It is meant as something that speaks love and appreciation into the life of the other person.
Pornography often claims that your use of it is good for your spouse in some way. It’s a lie. There is nothing selfless about pornography. It is only about trying to satisfy a personal desire. How can you love your spouse, when your desire is to see someone else naked?
6. Complex – Humans were created as complex creatures. We have emotions, thoughts, dreams and a spiritual aspect to our life. Sex is designed to operate on all the levels of our person. It is so much more than a physical act.
Pornography has no complexity. It can’t. It is images or words on a screen or a page. There is nothing complex about it. Also, it is unable to meet anything but the basest physical desire. It cannot fulfill all of the longings of the person.
7. Complimentary – Sex was created to bring differences together. Men and women are different, not just physically, but in a whole host of ways. In sex the way He intended it, God brings those differences together and creates something new and beautiful.
Pornography has nothing to compliment. It is static and plastic. Fake. It cannot join people together. It can only mar and disfigure what was already there.
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In looking at the list, pornography is the worst of all sexual perversions. It promises everything and delivers nothing. Other sexual sins, while worse in terms of their personal or immediate consequences, at least fulfill one of the purposes for which God created sex. Pornography gives you none.
Our culture’s obsession with it, including so many of us in the Church, must be overturned and conquered. There is only one power man has ever experienced that can triumph over a devastating addiction to pornography – the Gospel.
Thursday, we will see how the Gospel is the only thing that can move us from discouraged addicts of porn to fulfilled disciples of Christ.
Much of the information in this post comes from Daniel Heimbach’s True Sexual Morality, and the pornography position statement by the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention.
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